Most people want to be liked, and we also want to be trusted. It’s a good feeling when people trust us. It makes us feel like we’re important, and who doesn’t love feeling that way? One thing you can do to make people trust you is to simply be trustworthy. Be a person who is honest and don’t take what doesn’t belong to you. Above all, keep whatever promises you make. It’s better not to make a promise or commitment to someone if you’re not able to keep your word.
However, as it turns out, the words we choose to use matter as well. When you’re having an important conversation with someone, it’s a good idea to avoid saying one specific word: try. Although the word “try” is a common word and most of us say it, when you use it, it undermines not just your confidence in yourself, but also the confidence that other people may have in you.
Yoda got it right
The famous Yoda quote from the movie “Star Wars” gets overused a lot, but it’s totally true. When Luke Skywalker said that he would “try” to do something, Yoda famously said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” That seems a bit harsh, doesn’t it? Isn’t that just the truth, though? It’s not that effort doesn’t count for anything, but the fact is, you either do something or you don’t. It’s that simple.
Carrie C. Mead, LCPC says that when you say “I’ll try,” it leaves room for failure and indicates an unconscious but real underlying lack of commitment. Whether you’re talking to your significant other, a friend, or your boss, if you use the word “try,” they mentally register the fact that you probably won’t.
Trusting yourself
A transitional life strategist named Randi Levin suggests that the word “try” even has an impact on how you see your ability to achieve your goals and how much you trust yourself. She adds that when you use the word “try” in a conversation in your mind, the word erodes your energy and initiative, and it also depleted your confidence in yourself.
One thing she says really hits home. She says that the word “try” indicates that you’re not even fully convinced that you’re able to succeed.
The underlying meaning of the word “try”
LMFT Christie Kederian notes that the word “try” may sometimes have an underlying meaning. In her words, the “devil is in the details,” and when we use the word “try,” it could mean that we’re not being specific. It can also indicate that we’re psychologically or emotionally blocked from making the progress we desire to make towards accomplishing our goals.
Kederian also suggests that the word “try” can be a sort of plea to not be held responsible for something. Specifically, saying that you tried but it didn’t work out. The hope is that this will absolve us of responsibility. However, that’s not the case. It’s still a failure.
Other words that are bad for your relationships with others and yourself
“Try” isn’t the only word that’s bad for us and for our relationships. There are some more words that erode confidence as well.
Maybe
If you’ve ever had a child ask you for something and your response was “maybe” or “we’ll see,” you may have heard the child say, “That means no!” They’re probably right. Maybe is a stall tactic used by people who are hoping they can be let off the hook.
If
As it turns out, the word “if” can hold you back from opportunities also. When there’s something we want, but it seems like a big reach, we may use the word “if” to excuse us from going for it. For example, “I’ll go after my goals if such and such happens.” That “if” can keep you from chasing your dreams.
